Yes Yes I know I’m behind on my AgoraFest updates, but it is Not My Fault! Just a few hours ago I escaped from the maximum security jail in Mad Dog, Texas, where I was being held for conspiracy, vagrancy, and suspicion of committing unnatural acts (of freedom). Thankfully I escaped with the help of a beautiful lady with a afro and a tommy gun. Oh, and also a guy in a golden submarine.

Anyway, the reason I was down in Mad Dog was because I received a strange email addressed to my ProtonMail address – which nobody is supposed to know! – from GracchusGruad@agharti.ti, who said that if I didn’t disclose him the whereabouts of Alfred Jarry, Ubu Roi of The Green Faced Ones, that he would launch a missile into the sun, which would cause a massive solar flare that would wipe out all the major cities on the planet.

I wrote him back immediately and said yeah it’s been done before, and all that happened is that “civilization” was wiped out for a few thousand years, which gave us at least some respite from you psychopathic control freaks. So go ahead, Immanentize the Eschaton, see if I care!

Well early the next morning I’m walking to my car and a gray van pulls up and these masked dudes knock me out, put a bag over my head, throw me in the van, and the next thing I know I was in this dirty jail in Texas. They interrogated me for a few days but I guess they finally believed me when I said I didn’t know where Alfred Jarry was, and then they left me alone to rot in the jail cell. Fortunately like I said I was broken out and I’m back getting ready for AgoraFest 2018!

I still don’t know where Alfred Jarry is, but if he does show up at AgoraFest this year, you will know as no doubt there will be that stupid golden apple floating above the Temple of Eris, or as we call it, the Den of Discord.

And if you do decide to venture into the Tent of Tentacles, please remember the buddy rule, watch out for spiked drinks and feral cats, and bring ear plugs as I’m sure the music will be as tone deaf as usual.

Also, do me and everyone else a favor – you don’t need to “share” your amazing experiences about what happened inside – I’d rather not know. And really, nobody wants to know.

To learn more and to sign up for AgoraFest 2018: