It always happens around the holidays – my sweet tooth is going to be the death of me yet.

A few weeks ago I get this terrible craving for Gummy Bears. So I Signal mi compadre, and he said he had some really yummilicious stuff just in from Deutschland, so I grabbed a couple hundred in FRNs and met up with him outside the local Aldi. I didn’t have any small bills so he gave me back a $20 and a couple $5s and we were cool.

A week or so later I come home from work and there’s these two Men In Black mofos with these serious frowny faces waiting for me on the porch. The taller, skinny one says, “We know you’ve been eating Gummy Bears.” I of course am not stupid, so I just give him the I Don’t Know What The Hell You Are Talking About And What Are You Doing On My Porch look. Then the short fat one says, “Don’t act stupid, we’ve been watching your buys.” Well, that scared me a little, but since I had eaten all the evidence days ago in one long, quite pleasant and enjoyable, but possibly excessive sugar high, I smirked at Sir Short and Stout and said, “You got no proof.”

But then the Cadaver says, “Think again Sugar Boy – we know that $20 you pocketed has been used by Gummy dealers for the last year and a half, and even worse, the fives are linked with several illegal arms transactions, prostitution, and human trafficking rings all over the world.” And then Mr Pooh said, “And if you don’t cooperate with us, you’ll be hearing from the IRS – that twenty and those fives have been in circulation for years, and used to be only worth $0.035. You’ll have to stamp out a lot of license plates to pay that capital gains tax bill!”

It was around this time that I started to become suspicious – after all, everybody knows that it has been way over a hundred years since the dollar actually became MORE valuable over time, rather than LESS! So I shouted at Laurel and Hardy, “Get off my porch and go get a real job – at Aldis!” That’s when they smiled demoniacally, pulled out their crappy Berettas, and the next thing I knew I woke up in my bed screaming, “Somebody call 911!”

I’ve got nothing against cryptocurrencies – in fact, if it wasn’t for that tragic boating accident and the loss of my computer and hard drives, I’d still have some. But the blockchain is not my religion – come to think of it, I really don’t have a religion. I do think, however, that cryptocurrencies are very interesting, and can potentially be very useful in promoting peaceful trade and providing an alternative to bankster money. But, unless the cryptocurrency has the same characteristic advantages as cash, i.e. real anonymity, privacy, fungibility and untraceability, it really isn’t much use to those of us who, for example, have a Gummy Bear habit. Most cryptocurrencies are not really anonymous or private, with a (very) few exceptions.

Let’s take a look at Monero, a cryptocurrency that has been designed from the beginning to be as secure, private, and untraceable as possible. This will be a mostly non-technical overview for those who are new to cryptocurrencies or have never heard of Monero, and will focus on its potential advantages over other, more well known cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin or Litecoin. After our brief overview, you will have an opportunity to ask questions about Monero and cryptocurrencies in general, and how they might be advantageous to you on your path to living Free.

To learn more and to sign up for Agora Symposium 2018:

Agora Symposium 2018