Here at AgoraFest we pride ourselves in helping the individual become self-actualized. This is harder than it sounds. Even after one has taken on the mantle of individualist, there is a lot of collectivist programming left in their heads. The first step to overcoming this programming is identifying it. To help our attendees become more self-actualized individuals we pulled a few strings, called in some favors, and greased a palm or two in order to bring in an expert on human programming. It is our hope that being aware of how you are being programmed will help you identify and overcome that programming. So let me introduce a special guest speaker, Mao Tsu-Hsi.
I’m Mao Tsu-Hsi, a recruiter for the Illuminati. When the staff at AgoraFest asked me to give a presentation I was admittedly hesitant. Hell, I was thinking about whisking them away to a secret FEMA camp so they couldn’t reveal the location of my secret lair. However, I came around after they explained that their attendees are further along the path to Enlightenment than most. We’re always looking for new recruits and it’s much easier to deprogram recruits if they’re already on the path to Enlightenment.
Ever since Adam Weishaupt assassinated and replaced George Washington, we of the Illuminati have been secretly controlling the world around you. Unfortunately, a lot of myths have developed around our manipulation of the masses. Some of these rumors include using the Super Bowl to insert subliminal messages into their minds, flooding them with mindless television programs to distract them from seeking knowledge, and fluoridating drinking water in order to damage the parts of their brains responsible for higher reasoning. While we continue to experiment with all of these techniques (except the Super Bowl thing, we use sumo wrestling for them), the problem with them is that they’re overly complicated and prone to error.
We chiefly rely on simpler, cheaper, and more reliable techniques. One of our favorite techniques is the establishment of communities. Communities appeal to the innate tribalism humans have. Not only does it establish an us versus them mentality but it also discourages individuals from adopting attitudes that might make them different from, and therefore alien to, their communities.
After we’ve established a community, we like to introduce various demagogues into it. These demagogues are tasked with tellings members of the community exactly what they want to hear. This exploits the members’ confirmation bias, which prevents them from thinking too critically about the matter and causes them to regurgitate exactly what they are fed, thus further spreading the programming.
There are many other techniques as well but I don’t want to give away too much here. If you would like to learn more about the programming in your head, feel free to attend my presentation.
Primus Dilectator Illuminatorum
P.S. There are five fnords in my letter. Anybody who sees them is guaranteed a position in the Illuminati.
P.P.S. Don’t worry about potentially “learning too much.” Anybody who fails the recruitment process will have their memory of the presentation erased.
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